On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
