if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
It's Friday. Sex?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
