Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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