i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
