Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
