i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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