You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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