you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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