What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I would ride that face into the sunset
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
