Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
love makes seman taste better
In America we eat man semen.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
