chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
