Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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