we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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