Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize