Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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