it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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