that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Who did Billy Mays play for?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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