So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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