I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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