If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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