hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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