Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize