i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
