OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
