Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
