Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
