does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
