Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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