Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
