Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
