And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
