talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
