We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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