we have pet lesbian snakes
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
