I should be sponsored by Trojan
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
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