I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
