Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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