In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
