youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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