Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
