do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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