Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
