he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
