I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Terrible idea I love it
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
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