How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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