I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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