WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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