There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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