woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
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Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
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The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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