i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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