Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Randomize
