I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Dear god my vagina.
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