i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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