Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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