This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
