It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
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There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
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I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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