I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
