Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
