The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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