My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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