You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
