If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
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