New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
