I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
