watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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