If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
