just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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