I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
