Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize