i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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