This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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