About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
