just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
