can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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