I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
