If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
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I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
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Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home