Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
