I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
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