Cold hands, warm shart.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water