Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy