I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
