Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
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well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
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Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.