I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year