i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
