Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Randomize
