He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
