May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately