And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat