cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.