you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.