I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Shitshow foam night was such a success
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Randomize
