i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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