It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
