super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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