hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
