I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
